My Inconvenient Truth

So, I have this light at my front door, which my wife leaves on 24/7. Consequently the bulb in it lasts about a month. Then, after two months of nagging I finally get around to replacing it and the cycle starts anew. One month of light. Two months of no light. One month of light. Two months of no light. Well after three years of this and hearing from Rush about the new tree-hugging friendly compact florescent funny looking curly-cue bulbs that last FIVE years while using less energy, I decide what the hell, I’ll shell out six bucks if it means no more nagging to change the bulb for the next FIVE years. I go and buy two of the ones that claim to be the equivalent of a normal 100 watt bulb. One for the front door and one for the back, ‘cause the dogs need to see when they’re outside too <\roll eyes>. I get out the step ladder and my mostly discharged cordless screwdriver and set out to change me some bulbs. Whizzzzz, tink, tink, tink, damn where that screw fall to. Whizzzzz, pry, boy there’s a lot of dead bugs inside here. Unscrew the dead bulb, screw in my new tree-hugging friendly bulb that’s gonna last me FIVE years, put the cover back on. Hmmm? Why aren’t the screw holes on the cover lining up with the ones in the base? Awww shit these funny looking curly-cue bulbs are just a tad to big for this fixture. Maybe, I can angle the cover and get it on. Crack, tink, tink, tink. FUCK! I just broke a SIX dollar light bulb and released some not so tree-hugging friendly Hg into the environment. “HUNNY! Could you go fetch me a normal light bulb? I just broke one of these new funny looking ones ‘cause the damn thing doesn’t fit in our fucking fixture.” Unscrew the broken bulb, screw in the new normal bulb, search around for the missing screw, and replace the cover. Viola! There is light and it is good. So, the next day the wife and I are in her favorite French emporium, Targ’et and on the end cap of one of the aisles is a display of these new funny looking curly-cue lights and she says these look smaller than the ones I bought. I take a look and what do you know, the 40 watt equivalent bulbs are smaller than to 100 watt ones. So, she asks “Why don’t you try ones of these smaller ones?” To which I reply, “Cause I just changed the bulb and I ain’t buying another six dollar bulb, especially if it puts out less than half of the amount of light that I am used too.” So, the moral of this narrative is, Al Gore and the rest of the smelly, jobless, tree-hugging hippies can go screw themselves and die, before I’ll be switching to six dollar light bulbs.